Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
