Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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