she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
