TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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