i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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