I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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