well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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