we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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