Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
