forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
