Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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