I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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