that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
