just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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