I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
