smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
