There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
