She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
