new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
