Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
