Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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