By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
