my mouth tastes like poor choices
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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