Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
