take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My ass is underappreciated
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
