I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
