Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
