so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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