life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
