Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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