so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
