hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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