i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
