then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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