i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
