Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
