I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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