I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
