Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
