Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
