Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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