everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
