Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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