can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
