i can't believe i had my finger in that
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize