apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
