dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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