At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
