remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
there is puke in my bra ... again
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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