I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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