i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
