Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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