that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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