oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
