Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
two words...techno handjob
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
