it's like heaven, but drunker
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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