my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
