im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
