Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
