Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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