mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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