so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
