i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
