His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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