So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
