sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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