I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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