I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need a burrito and a hug.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
