i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
