I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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