I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
