A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think my moral compass just broke
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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