Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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