I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
