Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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